That's when you crack a 10am beer
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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