If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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