To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Randomize
