I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
