I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
