the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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