Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
