I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
