Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
