this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
