Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
