I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
