Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
