I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
