i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
