hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
