His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The adults are the big ones right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
