Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
