Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
