How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
