I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
