Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
