There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
