OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
