at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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