we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
