Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize