I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
