dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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