smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
