drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
