Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
