I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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