i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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