So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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