It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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