Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
