my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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