i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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