love makes seman taste better
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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