Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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