It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
