Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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