Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
