I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
