so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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