Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
