i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize