This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
