Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.