Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.