i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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