apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
