in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
