nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
