You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
