I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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