I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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