Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
