sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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