oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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