Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
