Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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