i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
