i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
