Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
