I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize