Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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