I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
