God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
