Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
