he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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