Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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