Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
