mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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