it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
